Joining Jonathan Goldhill in this episode of the Disruptive Successor Podcast is Doug Stone, Co-Author of Difficult Conversations, instructor on negotiation and conflict resolution at Harvard Law School, and Founder of Triad Consulting Group. Resolving conflict can be tricky but there are strategies which have been proven to work. By understanding that a conflict can have 3 points of views, yours, mine, and a neutral third person, both parties can gain clarity on the depth of the issue and approach a solution with empathy. Doug explains that availing of a neutral party's perspective can provide perspectives not readily seen by either party and that he can add to existing tools for successfully managing conflicts in an objective way. Doug always aims to provide a win-win situation, or as close to it as possible, that resolves a conflict satisfactorily.
HIGHLIGHTS
04:51 Learning conflict negotiation and navigating difficult conversations
11:07 Assertiveness: If one party perceives a problem, then it is a problem
15:04 The 3 Positions: My POV, your POV, and a 3rd person's POV
20:59 Reaching out and starting from a place of empathy
24:35 Address actions specifically and be aware of your contributions to the problem
31:31 Defining a good outcome and reaching as close to a win-win as possible
35:24 Mitigating bias and ensuring both parties agree with your intervention
40:20 Learning negotiation skills adds to your existing tools for managing conflict
QUOTES
08:51 "You can make a standing offer like I invite you to discuss this with me. People tend to be more receptive to an invitation than to a demand. But another thing you can do is let them know the impact that the dispute is having on you."
15:53 "The third position, which is not my position, not your position, but a position outside, almost like if we had a mutual friend who was neutral as to this conflict, they would look at the conflict as a third person and they would have a really different angle on it."
26:22 "The reason it's important isn't because you don't have the Cheerios, it's because it impacts whether you feel the other person loves you, respects you, cares about you and the ways that you care about them."
32:31 "We often think of negotiation just as zero sum, head-to-head, dollar for you is a dollar less for me. And that's true on some issues, right? But often you can find ways to maximize that joint pie that you're dividing."
40:30 "If you want to be assertive or threaten somebody, you can still do that.
It's not like I'm taking away your ability to do that. So you retain all the skills that you have, all the methods that you have, and we're just adding some new ones."
To learn more about Doug, you can check out the email address below.
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